考研1号《写作160篇》之“考公务员热”话题读者写作练习与修改As is vividly shown in the picture above, hundreds of hands are struggle to seize the only one chair, this phenomenon is not a fantasy, but reveals a serious problem that numerous people who don’t intend to work in workshop, school, hospital while long to be an officer of civil service, why this trend becomes ubiquity, especially in today’s life? I will give my viewpoint to break the ice. First, Speaking of the society, more and more graduates entering employment market, thus making the employment pressure incredible high. Also another reason should be involved; it is the economic crisis which disturbs the economy. Second the treatment of civil servants is much more comfortable in comparison to the treatment of other industries, generally speaking, they earns much, work easy and get lots of holiday. Hence many graduates strive to be a civil servant though there have much more people who have same idea.How to improve this phenomenon effectively? I deem state should expand domestic market demand which could increase quantity of jobs, and also should improve the unjust distribution of property. Only in this way the phenomenon can be bettered fundamentally.原作点评As is vividly shown in the picture above, hundreds of hands are struggle to seize the only one chair, （此处建议对“chair”所指的意义进行说明）this phenomenon is not a fantasy, but（多余成分，直接删除） reveals a serious problem that numerous people who don’t intend to work in workshop, school, hospital while long to be an officer of civil service（逻辑主语是numerous people，所以此处要用复数civil servants）,（断句错误，此处应为句号）why this trend becomes （特殊疑问句，句式错误）ubiquity（此为名词，要用形容词ubiquitous“无所不在的”）, especially in today’s life? I will give my viewpoint to break the ice. First, Speaking of the society, more and more graduates entering employment market, thus making the employment pressure incredible（要用副词incredibly修饰形容词） high. Also another reason should be involved; it is（此处可换为破折号）the economic crisis which disturbs（改为现在完成时has disturbed）the economy. Second（加逗号）the treatment of civil servants is much more comfortable in comparison to the treatment of other industries, generally speaking, they earns（earn）much, work easy and get lots of holiday（holidays）. Hence many graduates strive to be a civil servant （逻辑主语是students，故要用复数civil servants）though there have much more people who have same idea.How to improve this phenomenon effectively? I deem state（state侧重指国家，此处换为the government）should expand domestic market demand which could（直接换为to动词不定式表目的）increase quantity of jobs, and also should improve（该词意为“提高”，此处应该用reverse “扭转”） the unjust distribution of property. Only in this way the phenomenon can be bettered fundamentally.总体点评 1.细节错误：本文细节错误很多，词性错误，词义错误，单复数问题等，建议写作完成之后做自我检查，规避掉此类错误。
2.行文思路：本文整体行文思路比较清晰，但有些句式汉化痕迹比较明显，建议对《考研真相》和《写作160篇》中的经典范文仔细研究，擅于学习和总结参考分数（满分20分）：10分。